We all know those days; getting up, sluggishly. Dragging yourself to the shower. Slowly. Mustering all the available focus to turn on the coffee machine and wait for the ancient dark magic of said elixir to take hold of body and soul. Rise and shine.
What next? Oh yes, of course: the uneventful and monotonous, mostly robotic commute to an overly lit office full of cubicles and teeming with the sound of typing keyboards at 8 in the morning.
Could it get worse? Certainly. Did you already forget about the excruciating meeting to discuss X while listening to asshole boss boast about golf course Y. Huh. Follow it up with a repetitive sales call with a demanding client who goes off on the one shipment that arrived 2 hours late than originally expected.
At lunch, thoughts of deepthroating the good metaphorical shotgun amass in that little migraine-ridden head of yours. Remember: it’s only half day, on a Monday.
May I propose a simpler, easier and more effective solution? A formula ancient alchemists fought wars over, the key to life and the pursuit of happiness.
Repeat after me: Fuck. You. All.
Do it again: Fuck. You. It. The World. All.
There you go. Let waves of ease wash over your tense shoulders as you experience clarity of mind. What are you, you tiny homo sapiens and at least 1% primitive ape, to the universe after all? Nothing. You are nothing. I’m nothing. We are but a speck of stellar dust floating on an elliptical blue rock that orbits one of the gazillions of stars in the universe.
By extension, our problems are equally, if not more insignificant. Why spend your life with a stressed mentality? Got up late? Fuck it. Forgot to shower? So what? Tense for a presentation? Fuck it, it means nothing. Your bike was stolen? Fuck the thief; take the bus from now on. No money? Fuck it, how do homeless people even survive?
Fuck it all.
Never have three neighboring words held as much power as you can give them in this very moment. Say it. Practice it. Use it.
This is your initiation in the fuck it all club — welcome, newest member. You’ll find out we have a lot in common and your life will be immeasurably better from now on. You’ve been officially baptized.
What next? Oh yeah, fuck it.